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The holiday season is upon us and everyone is all smiles until your child behaves in a way that embarrasses, frustrates or angers you at a holiday event. Sleep deprivation, hunger or just bad manners may all contribute to a child having public meltdowns or other less than appropriate behavior. However, you don’t have to accept this as the norm. In fact, you might not realize it, but, this is an excellent time of year to teach your child important lessons that will be of value for years to come. Here are four important steps that will help your child develop better behavior through the holidays and leave you much less stressed.

Don’t take good behavior for granted. Prior to every gathering or trip to the mall, reinforce your expectations for appropriate behavior. When necessary, encourage a nap earlier in the day and be prepare with snacks and distractions if you anticipate the experience will not be kid-friendly. Pick your battles carefully so that you don’t fight with your child about every small infraction and be sure to compliment good behavior effusively when the event is over.

Teach your child gift-opening etiquette. Parents are often mortified when a child doesn’t respond appropriately to a gift-giver. However, this skill doesn’t come naturally; it must be taught. Help your child by offering suggestions for how to behave when disappointed with a gift. You can practice role playing their response a few times in advance of an anticipated gift-receiving gathering to ensure they behave properly. In addition, teach your child the right way to say thank-you before moving on to the next wrapped box. Show them they can say the words ‘thank you’, make eye contact, and offer a kiss when appropriate for different situations. Remind your child that it’s important to make others feel appreciated, regardless of whether or not they like the gift.

Teach and role model manners. It goes without saying that kids learn from their parents, so make sure that your cell phone is not in your lap during holiday meals, that you help take dishes from the table and that you thank the host for the meal before retiring to watch TV. In addition, actively direct your child to clear their own dishes and help clean up toys with which they played. Follow-through each time to make sure the directive is accomplished. Before leaving a home, walk with your child to thank the host for a good time. By you reinforcing and following-through, rather than just requesting, your child will learn invaluable skills.

Help your child manage the hugging and kissing. Kids are frequently forced to tolerate being hugged and kissed by relatives and friends that they see only once or twice a year. While you don’t want your child to seem impolite, it’s critical for children to learn to have autonomy over their bodies. We do not want to send a message to them that it is okay to allow anyone to hug and kiss them—even if they feel uncomfortable about it. For this reason, it is important to teach your child alternatives to accepting smothering hugs and kisses when they don’t feel comfortable. Tell your child that instead of accepting the smothering, any of these alternatives are acceptable: put out a hand to shake; give a quick hug and move away or simply take a step back and look the person in the eye and have a brief conversation before moving on. Reassure your child that you won’t be angry, even if the person giving the hug is upset about it.
By actively teaching your child the correct way to respond and by supporting and encouraging appropriate behavior you’ll have a more pleasant holiday season and your child will learn skills that will be benefit well into their adulthood. Happy Holidays!